Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Secession: 2008?
A fellow teacher gave this to me the other day. I don't agree with everything in it, but it makes some compelling points.
Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico
Peace out,
Blue States
--------------------------------------------------------------------
And, again, I don't agree with everything here, but it is funny!
¶ 10/29/2008 03:37:00 AM 
A fellow teacher gave this to me the other day. I don't agree with everything in it, but it makes some compelling points.
AN OPEN LETTER FROM THE BLUE STATES TO THE RED STATES
Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get the Statue of Liberty.
You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft.
You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard.
You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico
Peace out,
Blue States
--------------------------------------------------------------------
And, again, I don't agree with everything here, but it is funny!
| Blue States: | Home of good schools |
| Red States: | Homeskooled good |
 | |
| Blue States: | Want a big tent for their Party. |
| Red States: | Wears a big tent to her party. |
| |
| Blue States: | Favor electric cars |
| Red States: | Favor electric chairs |
| |
| Blue States: | Concerned about ballooning deficits' effect on capital markets turning gains into thin air |
| Red States: | Concerned about whether it's demons that make balloons float in thin air |
| |
| Blue States: | Dream of making enough money to kite and swim with Czechs in Biarritz |
| Red States: | Dream of kiting enough checks to swim in Schlitz |
| |
| Blue States: | Favor institutionalized health care for the poor |
| Red States: | Favor institutionalizing the poor |
| |
| Blue States: | After the 9/11 attacks, put coffins in the ground |
| Red States: | After the 9/11 attacks, put magnetic flags on the car |
| |
| Blue States: | Forget that God did not give Adam a Steve |
| Red States: | Forget that not only did God give Abraham three wives, He gave Solomon 300 concubines |
| |
| Blue States: | Enormous cities that serve as the engines of human progress |
| Red States: | Enormous Hummers that serve as the engines for Arab oil |
| |
| Blue States: | Provide the "tax" part of "tax and spend" |
| Red States: | Provide the "spend on a new 8-lane highway to link a Wal-Mart to the Olive Garden" |
| |
| Blue States: | Believe we're all brothers and sisters under the skin. |
| Red States: | Don't mind if we're brothers and sisters under the sheets. |
| |
| Blue States: | Fighting to clean up skid row |
| Red States: | Fighting to clean up skid marks |
| |
| Blue States: | 9/11 survivors mourned at night as the television coverage showed those killed |
| Red States: | Mourned television coverage of 9/11 that killed that night's "Survivor" show |
| |
| Blue States: | Concerned about global warming |
| Red States: | Don't like to travel and are too fat to fit in an airline seat anyway, so glad to hear that the tropics are coming to Texas. Yee-haw! |
| |
| Blue States: | Follow Jesus, but doesn't believe in Him |
| Red States: | Believe in Jesus, but doesn't follow Him |
| |
| Blue States: | Want to repeal the Patriot Act |
| Red States: | Want to repeal the Emancipation Proclamation |
| |
| Blue States: | Looking for a method to weaken China every day |
| Red States: | Sold everyday china for a weekend of meth |
| |
| Blue States: | Favor drafting annoying laws on assault rifles |
| Red States: | Assault annoying in-laws with rifles after being drafted |
| |
| Blue States: | Want the right for everyone to worship as they choose |
| Red States: | Want the right to choose everyone's worship |
| |
| Blue States: | Champion women wrestling with the right to choose |
| Red States: | Choose women's wrestling championships |
| |
| Blue States: | Want a rational energy policy |
| Red States: | Want policy of energetic irrationalism |
| |
| Blue States: | Used benefits to assist victims on account of attacks |
| Red States: | Used attacks to benefit Toby Keith's bank account |
| |
| Blue States: | Watched friends in New York die in foxy attacks on America |
| Red States: | Attack New York on Fox for not being friends of America |
| |
| Blue States: | Believe God loves us and gave everyone free will to be different |
| Red States: | Believe God willed us to freely hate everyone different |
| |
| Blue States: | Believe absence makes the heart grow fonder |
| Red States: | Believe abstinence saves the tart from plunder |
| |
| Blue States: | Believe in Mr. Darwin's theory of "Evolution" |
| Red States: | Believe in Mr. Jesus' "Talking Snake" theory |
| |
| Blue States: | Slave to pay inheritance taxes |
| Red States: | Inherited slaves |
| |
| Blue States: | Buy art |
| Red States: | Collect Beanie Babies |
¶ 10/29/2008 03:37:00 AM
Comments:
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I think what the author meant by "steal this election" is literally stealing it, as Democrats believed happened in 2000.
Texas and my fellow Texans have never seemed so ... just damn 'back-ards' as they do this week, with almost every Repub Christian I know praying for the Death of Obama (Seriously).. I would like to point out to Eva that the real Socialist elites are the guys who who 700 Billion bucks to bail themselves out... I don't know How much money these people THINK goes to welfare but believe me, it ain't even close to that number, which is just designed to keep the Rich Elite from falling into the ranks of the Underpriveleged (which, to them is the under 1 million a year crowd).
The statistics were the most interesting thing from the above. As someone who loves my whole country, Red states and blue states alike, I'm not big on gloating. I just want to take back the country from the willfully stupid and the leaders of the willfully stupid who can feed their supporters lies all day long and pretend their will never be a backlash. Note to the Redstates Repubs: Now that the Election is over you can let the scales fall from your eyes(please, o please) and note these TRUTHS, which if simply acknowledged may serve to move this country forward.
1. Obama is a Christian, not a muslim. He may not be the Perfect Christian, but then, neither are you, are you?
2. Obama is definitely not even in the 10 20 most liberal Democrats currently serving in the Senate. He is extremely centrist, he has always reached across the aisle (despite the way Republicans have scorned Democrats while they were controlling the country) and he will continue to be bipartisan, (despite the future loud protestations of Democrats).
3.Electing a half-black man who believes that the future of this country lies with the lower and middle class and their well-being, NOT the rich, truly "elitist" CEO entitlement crowd is NOT the Death of our nation. The Death of our nation was narrowly averted. The Death of America and its ideals are being a country that tortures, a country that ignores the rule of law and the constitution, a nation that bombs and invades other countries without provocation, and a nation that only gives flag-waving lip service to its true ideals: Equality, Freedom, and Independence.
If the minds of the red-staters can be wrapped around these three simple ideals, then perhaps we can move forward TOGETHER.
The statistics were the most interesting thing from the above. As someone who loves my whole country, Red states and blue states alike, I'm not big on gloating. I just want to take back the country from the willfully stupid and the leaders of the willfully stupid who can feed their supporters lies all day long and pretend their will never be a backlash. Note to the Redstates Repubs: Now that the Election is over you can let the scales fall from your eyes(please, o please) and note these TRUTHS, which if simply acknowledged may serve to move this country forward.
1. Obama is a Christian, not a muslim. He may not be the Perfect Christian, but then, neither are you, are you?
2. Obama is definitely not even in the 10 20 most liberal Democrats currently serving in the Senate. He is extremely centrist, he has always reached across the aisle (despite the way Republicans have scorned Democrats while they were controlling the country) and he will continue to be bipartisan, (despite the future loud protestations of Democrats).
3.Electing a half-black man who believes that the future of this country lies with the lower and middle class and their well-being, NOT the rich, truly "elitist" CEO entitlement crowd is NOT the Death of our nation. The Death of our nation was narrowly averted. The Death of America and its ideals are being a country that tortures, a country that ignores the rule of law and the constitution, a nation that bombs and invades other countries without provocation, and a nation that only gives flag-waving lip service to its true ideals: Equality, Freedom, and Independence.
If the minds of the red-staters can be wrapped around these three simple ideals, then perhaps we can move forward TOGETHER.
Hey, Fade.
I hate hearing Christians pray for the death of anybody. I mean, I know Jesus said to "pray for our enemies," but I don't think that's what He meant.
Regarding the stats and the electoral map, I just posted a blog that might interest you. Maybe piss you off, but interest you all the same.
Regarding Obama, you're right. He is a centrist, and so much closer to McCain than most people are willing to accept (Republican or Democrat).
Thank you for saying half-black. This continual talk of "a black president" reminds me too much of the times where, if you had a drop, you were black. Why isn't he a white president? He's got the same mix.
Finally, I have to admit that if I have to choose between corporate welfare and social welfare, I choose the latter. At least I'll sleep a little better at night.
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I hate hearing Christians pray for the death of anybody. I mean, I know Jesus said to "pray for our enemies," but I don't think that's what He meant.
Regarding the stats and the electoral map, I just posted a blog that might interest you. Maybe piss you off, but interest you all the same.
Regarding Obama, you're right. He is a centrist, and so much closer to McCain than most people are willing to accept (Republican or Democrat).
Thank you for saying half-black. This continual talk of "a black president" reminds me too much of the times where, if you had a drop, you were black. Why isn't he a white president? He's got the same mix.
Finally, I have to admit that if I have to choose between corporate welfare and social welfare, I choose the latter. At least I'll sleep a little better at night.
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